Small Potatoes

Bag of Cape Cod Potato Chips and contents: whole potato & soggy, unsalted chips, purchased 4/11/07.

Date: 4/11/07
Subject: Complaint About Bag of Chips

Dear Cape Cod Chip Company:

I am attaching a picture of the bag of your usually enjoyable "Cape Cod Potato Chips" that I bought today. The objects sitting beside the bag were its full contents. You will notice that these include a few soggy chips and a full, shriveled potato. What you cannot see is that the potato has a strange, vaguely-chemical smell, and the few chips, in addition to being soggy, are not even salted. Ultimately, the whole package was (rather) inedible.

Will you kindly send me a replacement bag of your chips? Please make sure that if the bag you send has any small potatoes in it, they are salted and odorless. Although I would prefer just the chips.

Thank you,
Teddy Blanks

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Date: 4/13/07
Subject: Re: Potato Chip Complaint

Dear Teddy,
I am so sorry that there was something in your bag besides our potato chips. The information you sent us will help us to investigate the matter. I will be happy to send you some replacement chips - which I hope will not include a potato - do you have any favorites? I hope if you have any more trouble with our chips you will let us know. Again I apologize for this incident. Please let me know if I can be of any more help. Thank you.


Farrell Souza
Customer Service
Cape Cod Potato Chips

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Date: 4/13/07
Subject: Do you think the potato is safe for dogs?

Dear Farrell:

Thank you for your prompt reply. Your apology about the full potato is accepted, and I am glad to hear about the investigation you will be spearheading. I have a personal interest in the findings, so I would appreciate a copy of the report.

There is a new situation I want you to be aware of. When I set up the bag of Cape Cod Potato Chips beside its contents to take the photograph I sent you in my last email, I left the whole set-up lying on the table overnight. I didn't want to throw anything away, because I thought you might ask for more proof that I found a full potato in the bag. I put a paper towel over everything so nobody would have to look at it. Despite this clever deception, Maude, the dog, happened upon the potato (and the few soggy, unsalted chips), and helped herself. Do you think she will be okay??

I did a quick Google search, "dogs and full potatoes," and clicked on the first result, a page called "Are Potatoes Okay For Dogs?." As you can see, labman writes that potatoes are, in fact, okay for dogs, which relieved me until I read the question Iabman was replying to, as posed by violet0019: "Is it safe to feed a dog 1 1/2 tsp. boiled potatoe [sic], mixed in with their food, two times per day, everyday?" And because Maude most likely ate the whole potato (and the few soggy chips) in one sitting, I am back to square one.

Can you find out for me which types of potatoes Cape Cod uses to make their chips, and whether they are okay for dogs? Maude is acting normal, but I'm worried. (Especially given the recent national pet food scare.)

I know this is not your fault,
Teddy Blanks

P.S. Instead of the chips, can you please send me the Cape Cod Pretzels? I don't want to take any more chances.

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Cardboard package and contents received on 5/25: 5 bags potato chips, assorted flavors (no pretzels); 5 Cape Cod coupons for a total retail value of $16.00; and one handwritten letter of apology.

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Teddy Blanks is a senior designer at Winterhouse Studio, and a
contributor to the online film magazine, Not Coming To A Theater Near You. His band, the Gaskets, has released two albums and was recently showcased at South by Southwest in Austin, TX.